Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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