i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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