dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
