Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
