They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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