You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just pee around me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
