I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
