is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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