I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
