Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
