I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He passed out mid-signature
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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