chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
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