Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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