Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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