That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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