i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
