Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
