If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
