I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
