yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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