I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
