Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
