As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Who died my cat blue again?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
