What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
