Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
