i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
