i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your cock deserves a montage
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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