the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
