Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
