i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
