I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
