I think I died a long time ago.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
