you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My liver just had a heart attack.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
