Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I AM VODKA MAN
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
