No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
