He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
