When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize