So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
