I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
