So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I need to stop coming to work sober
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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