i was born a porn star she said
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
