if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
