my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
