You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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