i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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