Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
