Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
