Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
