Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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