Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize