I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
