the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
