Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize