He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
