I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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