im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Someone shit on the floor
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize