Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
