How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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