I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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