I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize