His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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