I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
