Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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