i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
