I just saw a hot homeless man
so let's talk penis.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
