something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
