Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
