He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
