I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize