I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
