i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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