On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
