What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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